This post may be a bit out of the norm for ArizTravel… I mean, it’s not REALLY all about tourism, people and places in Sedona, the Grand Canyon and so forth, BUT when I read our guest blogger’s latest contribution, I just had to post it.
I’ve been watching back-to-back episodes of Showtime’s “Weeds” Season 4, thanks to my Netflix account. And Greg’s experience going to the dentist in Mexico totally made me laugh because I couldn’t help thinking about Weeds characters going to Mexico for cheap Xanax and the like, having to pee in a venti iced Starbucks cup because the line of cars waiting to go in and out of Mexico was so long, etc.
But Greg’s message has a more serious, self-improvement message, delivered in his usual colorful way. Enjoy it… and be sure to hug your monster (read on to get what I mean.)
***
Hugging the Monster
Crossing the Arizona Border Into Mexico
Many Arizona residents go to Mexico for dental work because of the dramatic difference in cost. Little did I know what awaited me on my semi-annual dental trip across the border! The day I made the 4.5 hour drive to Yuma and then into Mexico I had stomach cramps and mild diarrhea. It wasn’t bad enough not to go and I had put off the trip twice now, so I had to make the trip.
On the way I was listening to an interview on NPR with Ben Sherwood who wrote a book called “The Survivors Club“. Ben mentioned that all the survivors he interviewed had one thing common: there was a moment when they “hugged the monster”, meaning they embraced what they feared most. At the time, I thought, “Cool way of looking at it.” In matter of hours, I didn’t realize I would be hugging a monster! On the drive I stopped in a few mini-marts looking for club soda which I knew would help the cramps which had gotten a little worse; no luck. Even though I didn’t feel well, I felt safe inside the car so I kept going.
I got to the border-crossing and parked the car and walked the 100 meters across. I figured I would be 45 minutes tops and get back across and try to feel better. As I went by customs, I noticed there was small line of 20 people. This surprised me a little because on the last trip there wasn’t any line. Then I remembered it was winter as opposed to summer when I was there last time so there were probably more “snowbirds”.
The dentist’s office is only few blocks in and it was just a 5 minute wait till he could see me. Cool! First thing he said to me was, “I am surprised you came at this time of the day with the line?” I replied, “Oh, yeah, I saw the line.” He looked at me a little funny and shrugged. He didn’t say anything more about it and we finished half hour later (saving about $1000!) and I walked briskly up the street anxious to get to the car and head back. Now before I tell you what happened next, let me describe one of my big monsters which I have worked on but I guess not enough: It’s a fear of getting stuck some place sick, maybe you can relate! Many years ago, I got stuck really sick in a few places where I couldn’t get help. Even though I had come a long way that fear of feeling helpless was still a little inside me
To continue: I saw the line of twenty people waiting to cross the border up ahead and as I got closer I noticed it curled around the corner. I was thinking, “Oh man, I am going to have to wait maybe 10 minutes, what a pain.” I rounded the corner to get in line and in front of me stood literally a 1000 people waiting in line, stretching maybe a mile! I looked again, thinking it had to be a line for something else, – I’m not sure what; I just simply couldn’t believe it. I will tell you, brothers and sisters, in that moment something inside of me broke. I felt lost, alone, and scared. I thought this just can’t be, I couldn’t accept it. I have spent years avoiding this kind of moment. I could feel the cramping in my gut get worse.
I looked up and down the line of people who seemed relaxed and accepting of the wait. This seemed very strange to me. Why weren’t they outraged! I was standing there looking at one of my greatest fears, being stuck some place sick. The monster! And when fear hits, you know the need to go gets greater! Of course, I am afraid I might have an accident, then what do I do!
I tried to pull it together and think how I could get around this: I could approach a border patrol officer and say I wasn’t feeling well and didn’t think I could stand in line. But something inside me felt that might not be wise given the tension around border crossings these days and also I looked a little straggly that day which might not be good. There was some other reason I didn’t do that which didn’t become apparent to later. Then I thought, I could palm a twenty and approach someone at the front and say, “Hey, Bro, thanks for saving my place.”–flashing the money at them. Again same thing, I just didn’t feel the motivation to try that.
Not knowing what else to do I started to walk back to the end of the line. I remember thinking some thing will happen to save me before I get to the end! The line just kept going on and on! Same thoughts, this just isn’t possible! It was five people across and when I say a thousand people, I am not exaggerating!
I arrive at the end of the line and cue up, like everyone else, another clue to future realizations. It occurs to me I need to do something to distract myself from feeling sick so I thought I have to get charming and talk to the people standing around me! I start chatting to two older women in their mid-sixties standing next to me (there friends).
They were very nice and told me they were snow-birds. One woman says, “She lives in an 8×40 cell (motor home) with the devil (husband)”; the other, in a fifth-wheel with a similar devil! I chuckled inside thinking, even in Mexico I can’t seem to get away from women in unhappy marriages (in my Sedona retreats I seem to attract a lot of wonderful women with similar issues)! I ask them what they are doing in Mexico. “Oh, we just come across to shop once a week, tequila is much cheaper over here.” I say, “Did you know about the line?” She says, “Sure!” I query them, how long the wait is. “About two hours!” OMG, I am think, I won’t make it. Fear runs thru me again. I ask them if they could save my place, I need to use a rest room.
It takes a while but I finally found one. I buy some water and head back, worrying how I am going to spot the two women amidst the thousand people. As I approach the line, they wave. Thank, God! I joked to them, “You knew I might not see you?” They nod and smile, obviously veterans of “the line”! Still feeling queasy I start talking again, letting the funny Greg show up. They tell me some great stories about traveling around the country and life on the road.
As the line moves ahead little by little, Mexican women mill around us selling gum and other little things. I think I need all the good karma I can get and hand them a dollar each when they approach. Incredibly, every time I do, within a minute the line takes a big jump! Wild! Then I guess the word gets out and suddenly there of lots of beautiful little Mexican women asking me for money! I go thru all my singles and tell them I’m tapped. And then I think what the hell and unwrap some of the gum they gave me and pop in my mouth. I don’t think I have chewed gum for 15 yrs! It tasted pretty good!
By this time, my two line-mates and I, have become fast friends and we are yukking it up and laughing. Even though I still feel sick, I think to myself, you’re making it, brother, you’re making it. I ask them, still not quite believing it, “You knew you were going to wait in line for two hours?” They nod, a strange sort of pride on their faces. The first of many realizations that day occurs to me: these wonderful women (who I later refer to as my “line-angels”) are in a separate reality then me. Truly! I get this principle once again in a deeper way.
As I stood there enjoying the gum, it dawns on me why I didn’t try to talk my way across or hand someone money–that was an old behavior from “back in the day” and when I was growing up and I just wasn’t that person anymore. It was a sense of self-importance, that I’m not like everyone else; I don’t have to stand in line! I was suddenly grateful that I naturally didn’t make those old choices.
I look around at the other people in line and I noticed a few interesting things: I was probably the youngest person there. They were mostly seniors and everyone truly did appear accepting of the situation. I heard no one complaining and registered that I hadn’t heard anyone complain in the hour and half I had waited thus far. I wondered if that would’ve been the case with a younger crowd. Perhaps with age comes acceptance and patience. I really absorbed their powerful modeling. I also noticed that I didn’t see anyone smoking. I am not sure what this means but I thought it interesting. Also, I didn’t see any couple getting into it or purposely not talking to each other. Maybe the unity of the situation creates these phenomena, something to consider.
Me and my two line-angels finally round the corner and are only a matter of thirty yards from crossing over. I can’t quite believe I’ve done it. I shake my head a little in gratitude. I turn to my new friends and tell them the bottom truth: “I wasn’t feeling well and wasn’t sure I could handle this but talking with the both of you and your friendliness really made the difference. I don’t think I could have made it without you. You are my line-angels!” They laugh and tell me they were happy they could help.
I enter the customs trailer, show my passport and within seconds I am across! I say goodbye to my angels and head to the car which I have never been so glad to see! I check the time on my cell phone. We waited in the line for 2 hours and 10 minutes. Wow! I never would have believed that I could have done that feeling as sick as I did. I found a deeper strength in me that I didn’t know I had. I hugged the monster! Sometimes, brothers and sisters, the way to get over something is to meet it head-on. It may be scary, even terrifying. But just like me, you can do it.
As I thought about writing this story over the last few months, I felt there was important underlining message I hoped to communicate, that even spiritual teachers have their fears! And it’s ok to have fears, to not judge them or think you failed or you’re not getting “it”.
This was the first of a number of “hugging the monster” events since that day. So, stay tuned! I invite any emails of your own moments of facing your fears.
I thank my teachers and NPR for helping me that day and my two line-angels!
A Ho,
Greg
Gregory Drambour is the owner of Sedona Sacred Journeys, am spiritual retreat organization in Sedona, Arizona. Custom Spiritual Retreats and Healing Sedona Vortex Experiences
